Decisions are always difficult :)

As a trainee doctor working in government hospital, working with poorest in the country, I believed that education can solve most problems.

How wrong I was!

As a trainee doctor I saw suffering of people that I attributed to lack of education. They were superstitious, had bizarre ideas about illness and recovery, hardly ever followed medical advice especially about follow up of treatment. I firmly believed that as more and more people get school education, this will go away. People will have access to good information and they will make better decisions resulting in better life.

Then I completed my training and started my own private work.

Now my patients came from educated, mostly urban background and had some disposable income (hence they could afford private psychiatrist)

At the same time internet revolution was sweeping India (circa 1999-2000).
Information was freely available to anyone who could read English and afford internet.
Then internet became cheaper and arrived on phone.

And finally social media and WhatsApp happened.

How does it affect my work?

Take simple example of early childhood education.

Huge amount of information is available on internet.
But education doesn’t help us differentiate information, advertising, propaganda, knowledge and wisdom. Education dosn’t include ” नीर क्षीर विवेक” (mythological ability of swan to drink only milk and leave water behind).

Ability to read English and access to huge amount of information actually overwhelms thinking ability. This is compounded by lack of time as well. So we have information overload, poor training, time pressure and emotional situation.

Bingo! You have a decision making hell!

So mind accepts simplest possible explanation that conforms to previous biases. Add modern insecurity and belief in a world of dog eat dog. You become a perfect fodder for crooks’ designs.

Common sense (heuristics)is used by the illiterate but it is likely to be absent in the educated. Daniel Kahneman+Amos Tversky and Abhijit Bannerjee+Esther Duflo earned their Nobel Prize in economics due to their work on financial decision making.

I don’t know if medical decision making will get attention of good people of Swedish academy.

Back to our problem of early childhood education.

Now you will realize why people are willing to pay six figure sums (in ₹) to “coding for toddlers” companies. People running these companies KNOW and possibly accept in private conversations that it is all about making money.

But anxious parents with huge amount of information and lack of decision making skills get carried away. If it is so complicated for harmless education, just imagine how harmful it can get for healthcare related decisions.

Forget degrees, we need real life decision making skills.

A real life story to end this post –

As a trainee doctor, I once treated a patient with bipolar disorder. Like clockwork, he would get an episode of mania every 12-14 months for years.
He lived 300km away in a village. Arrived with his father at first sign of mania. (This sign was him sitting in village temple and singing devotional songs without break.)

His father insisted on starting electro-convulsive therapy on day one (they reached hospital on empty stomach as preparation for ECT) . He would be okay in about 10-12 days. My pleas to take lithium regularly to avoid these episodes would fall on deaf ears. His father would give back stock of lithium given to them at discharge. And they would leave only to arrive after 14 months.

I cursed their illiteracy, short shortsightedness and demands for Electro-convulsive therapy. I never tried to understand their decision making.

Now I am much older and I appreciate their wisdom in the path they chose. Taking tablets of lithium while working in field as manual laborer, keeping an eye on lithium level in blood, etc was too much problem for them. Going to free government hospital once year and taking ECT as treatment was a much more convenient option.

If I had made effort then, may be i would be on my way to Sweden to get the coveted prize 🙂

This is how Nobel prizes are lost 🙂

Are we all turning “mad”?

Here is a real life story about fighting delusions and living with them as it applies to today.

I worked in a municipal hospital during my urban internship stint. There was once a week Psychiatry OPD started by resident medical officer Dr Shirole and visiting consultant Dr Thombare (unfortunately, both have now passed away). I had already expressed my interest in Psychiatry So I was allowed attend this OPD.
Dr Thombare wanted me to learn about symptoms of mind so he asked me to talk a patient in detail. He allocated a middle aged man as my patient.


This gentleman was on treatment for many years and was considered a “stable” patient.

One afternoon, I sat down to hear his life story. As it was common those days (1994), he had suffered a few years of symptoms before receiving treatment. He had an extensive belief system supported by his hallucinations.

He firmly believed that his wife, children, other family members, neighbors and colleagues all were part of a group that kept an eye on him, stole his money, prostituted his wife and did terrible things to his children. He experienced that his thoughts were broadcasted on a special channel on cable TV accessible to only few selected people from that group.

I listened to him all afternoon with fascination. Struggling to tell myself that it was all only in his head. Later when I started my psychiatry residency in govt hospital in same city, I met same gentleman again as my patient.

Once, I don’t know what I was thinking, I decided to spend one more evening talking to him. I tried to “talk him out of his delusions” as intellectual exercise and failed spectacularly as it was bound to happen.

He had is own way of interpreting everything happening around him in a way that fit into his delusion. Even things that I considered as clear evidence that should have shattered his beliefs, were neatly misinterpreted by his mind as evidence towards his beliefs. After struggling with it all for an entire evening, I finally convinced myself about unchangeable nature of delusions.

Over next few years, he had 2 more episodes of his illness (Paranoid Schizophrenia) and I saw his delusional system evolve to include whatever was happening around I witnessed firsthand how his mind continued to invent past that was supportive of his beliefs.

Between episodes, he was a regular family man with a job. Just like me. For long time I believed that such experiences were common only with those brains that were occupied by psychosis.

And then internet happened, social media happened and post-truth happened. And I started finding regular chaps like myself getting consumed by stories and narratives. Including every new experience into their belief systems and they even have their own ideology’s TV channels catering to echo and magnification of their distorted beliefs. Now we call that belief political ideology and it is a freedom protected by law.

They all hold regular jobs but live a life of suspicion and anger and fear. Dividing the world between us and them.

No amount of convincing will do. They seem lost. No matter what they call their ideology, they seem to be more alike than different.

Ignoring reality and relations and real needs of present.

Only an asylum seems to be a sane place now.

Diversity of Humans

As a typical Indian doctor, I meet thousands of people in my clinic every year. My work with family court, Indian medical association, students of various disciplines, juvenile justice system, prison, NGOs, film & theater, etc. brings me in contact with people from literally ALL walks of life.


As a psychiatrist for children, I get to spend lot of time with all and get to dive deeper into their mind. 


And I can assure you, I have never met identical people! Sheer diversity of human nature is mind boggling. Even in severe cases where similarity is supposed to be more than differences, what stands out is uniqueness of individuals.
When we say everyone is unique, this is something that I see thousands of times every year.


There are NO stereotypes!

A person believing in stereotypes of gender, caste, religion, language, social strata, nationality, occupation, has simply not looked beyond surface. Or has looked at the world through prejudice and past conditioning.
Never too late to truly open eyes and appreciate diversity of human mind.

कोण तुम्ही?

कोण तुम्ही?

आधी तुम्ही कोण ते सांगा

का?
त्यावर ठरतं मी कोणे 
अरे वा, असं असतं का? तुम्ही तुम्हीच असता आणि मी मीच.
ए येड्या, स्वतःला काय शिवाजी समजतो का, म्हणे मी मीच असतो!
मग परत सुरवात करू,

कोण तुम्ही?

आधी तुम्ही कोण ते सांगा

का?
त्यावर ठरतं मी कोणे
तू मुसलमान आहे  तर मी हिंदू आहे
तू लिबरल आहे तर मी ट्रॅडिशनल
तू ब्राह्मण  तर मी मराठा
तू हिंदी तर मी मराठी

म्हंजे मी ठरवायचं तू कोण आहे ते
आणि मी ठरवायचं तू कोण आहे ते

मग मी एक माणूस

मग मीही एक माणूस


डिनॉमिनेटर मोठा की न्यूमरेटर
तूच ठरवं
जितका डिनॉमिनेटर मोठा
तितका न्यूमरेटर आपोआप छोटा

तूच ठरव,  तुला कोण हवाय
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तू माणूस तर मीही माणूस

तुझ्या शिवाय मी माणूस नाही
आणि तुझ्याशिवाय मी.