Tag: How to

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Preventing Suicides : What can you do?

10th Sept is World Suicide Prevention Day.

We all know that 800,000 people die every year due to suicide. 250,000 of those are Indian. So every third suicide happens in India.

Though Suicide is biggest cause of death for young Indians (15-30 age group), we do little about it.

Can you help someone stay away from suicide?

In this blog, I try to give simple tips to help you prevent suicide without feeling overwhelmed. Everyone can help.

1. All of us feel suicidal at times. Nobody is immune. If you haven’t felt it so far, give life a chance. In spite of my years of training and work in Psychiatry, I have felt suicidal at times and at least twice i was quite close to ending my life but my therapist saved my life with regular support in therapy.

2. As of now, we don’t know precisely what causes final act of suicide. People reach that point through various pathways.

3. One thing is sure, loneliness and hopelessness contribute a lot to final stage. Anger may be a big push for some who die by impulsive acts of self destruction.

4. So, whenever you realize that your friend, acquaintance, lover, student, neighbor, relative, is avoiding people , you should ask if they are okay.

5. If you are wondering about their suicidal thoughts, ask them a direct question about it. Asking is the best way to help. Dont be afraid that you may INDUCE suicidal thoughts in their mind by asking such questions. You will NOT be inducing suicide by asking.

6. Offer to talk, brew a cup of tea/coffee/hot meal. Don’t advice. Just hear them out. At the end, thank them for trusting you with all the information, thoughts and feelings.

7. Ask what you can do to help them feel better. It is a simple question but a powerful one at the end of patient and helpful listening.

8. Keep in touch. Don’t disappear from their life after this conversation.

9. If you feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid of saying that (“it is so much to experience. Listening to your experience is overwhelming for me. I don’t know how you brave it all. Tell me how do you cope with this?”)

10. When you feel worried about their safety, call a helpline. All cities have suicide prevention helplines.

11. Lastly, remember, company and patient listening are most powerful tools to prevent suicide.


A supportive hand in hand and a patient ear goes a long long way.
Get professional help whenever it crosses your desire to help.

If you want to read Marathi translation of this article, my friend Prasad Shirgaonkar has posted it on his Facebook Page, https://www.facebook.com/prasad.shir/posts/10157411734091411 .

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Sex Education – How to go about it?

Though we all want our kids to be safe, the moment someone mentions Sex Education, we shrink into a ball.Conventional sex education limits itself to half baked scientific knowledge of anatomy, pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.


This is still a Victorian model where ultimate aim is to drive people away from notion of sex by making it as uninteresting and scary as possible.
But erring on side of real knowledge, information about pleasure, eroticism etc brings you in conflict with law. And the biggest parental fear – if they know about all this, they WILL start using this knowledge.!Fair enough.


So in real life most kids learn about sex from friends and sex videos aka pornography.
Watching pornography as an adult has its own problems when you don’t know how to handle the emotional high jack of your brain. How terrible it must be for child’s or an adolescents brain to remain sane offer watching porn !


So here i am going to give you step by step “how to” about sex education.
First part is about Sex Education sessions in school and Second is about Sex Education at home.
Both parts are needed for complete cover.


Part 1 – Sex Education in School –

Most ideal way for this is to designate a teacher for this job. A teacher who is comfortable with biology and does not look skywards when taking about sex. This teacher should conduct sessions as ongoing activity as a part of life skill exercises. She can be available for trouble shooting when kids have queries that need private and confidential audience of a sensible adult.
Most schools do not agree to do this due to whatever reasons. They prefer an “outsider” to do the dirty job in a single session.
Rest all boring subjects are taught five times a week for ten years!And this most useful and 100% practical subject gets one miserable hour in entire 10 years of school. Beat that!
When I am invited for this job, this is how I go about it –
Simple rules –

  1. Boys should have a male facilitator for this session and girls a female facilitator
  2. Sessions should be conducted in sex segregated groups
  3. Single age group kids are preferred.
  4. 30-50 kids in a group is okay.
  5. 7th std is a good time for first session.

This session is for kids only so no staff member is allowed in the room. (Teachers and principal almost die of curiosity at this stage but I am a tough nut and I don’t crack under their pressure.) Once I walked out of a school when Principal refused to go out of that room.I get them all (boys only because I am male) in a classroom or meeting room and tell them that this is a confidential “ask me anything about sex” session.
I give them each one piece of paper.Ask them to write ONE most important/burning question they have about sex on that chit. They are instructed NOT to write their name. Question should be written in capital letters to avoid identification of handwriting.
All those chits are put into a donation box that I circulate in the group. I take a few minutes to read all the chits and segregate them in topic specific bunches and to check for any surprise questions. ( After 20 years of doing this, there are still a few surprises in every session)
Almost all questions are  –

  1. When can we start having sex and when does it stop
  2. How frequently should we have sex
  3. Homosexuality and other variations
  4. Size of penis (evergreen query!)
  5. Positions 
  6. Menstruation
  7. What turns women “on” 
  8. Contraception
  9. Rape
  10. Child abuse
  11. Porn
  12. Hygiene – body odour, etc.
  13. Masturbation (another evergreen query)

I read questions on each topic together and then give a scientific answers.
I always talk to them about few VITALLY important things –

  1. Consent
  2. Virtual world of porn and how disconnected it is from real sex
  3. Child sex abuse and ways to be safe (www.nobadtouch.com)
  4. Prevention of Sexual Offences Against Children Act (POCSO) – ALL sexual activity under 18 years of age is PUNISHABLE in india. Most kids and their parents are blissfully unaware of the law of land.

Some questions should not be answered if it requires inappropriate language in the answer as POCSO law penalises such conversations between and adult and child. E.g. one child wanted to know best way to pleasure a woman. (I tell them clearly why I will not answer that question, about POCSO and consent in simple language) They will have to wait for 18th birthday for the answer from me. 
I have been conducting these sessions in schools since last 20 years. They are full of giggles of relief and high fives because children feel really empowered with knowledge and actual experience of non judgemental Q&A session.
One huge relief for kids is that nearly all of them are struggling with same questions about themselves! Realizing universality of their anxiety itself is normalizing experience. It prevents many anxious , self occupied moments for them.
We ceremonially tear off all those chits at the end of the session and once again assuring confidentiality, i walk away. (I don’t ask them their names at any point in the session, i tell them about it right in the beginning)
Feedbacks about these sessions are consistently and overwhelmingly positive. I really wish schools do such sessions every six months with help of staff for std 7,8,9 and 10.


I will write a continuation of this thread about how to go ab